Jedward Transcripts

Eurovision first semi-final winners press conference

John: Hey Soluna. It’s Jedward from International Ireland.

Soluna: (laughs)

John: I wanna say, erm, what would you say to your fans watching right now that you want them to know about you? Are you excited about the final? Are you excited about being in the final of Eurovision 2012?

Soluna: I’m super excited about the final and I’m in really good company. I got so nervous when you guys were the last ones to be announced. I really was! Um, and yeah, I mean, I just wanna thank everyone out there voting for all of us. Um, it’s super important, also on Saturday, and um… I’m speechless. This is amazing. Thanks, Jedward!

Presenter: Thank you, Jedward, for filling in. So can I please now ask you to pull out an envelope to determine the number in the final.

—-

Presenter: Albania.

—-

Presenter: Now, Ireland.

Edward: What’s up, everybody! It’s Jedward.

Both: I am close to the Waterline.

John: All right, guys, okay. 

Edward: We’re twins and we’re really really excited to be in the final of Eurovision this year.

John: I’m John, he’s Edward and together we are Jedward, in case you guys didn’t know. Okay, we’re really excited to be here, okay.

Edward: Last year we sang with Lipstick and we came eighth and we had so much fun last year that we want to do it again this year. And everybody back home in Ireland is supporting us. And we’ve been to Germany, we’ve been to Sweden, we’ve been all over Europe in the last year. We met Barack Obama - that was amazing. We’re gonna be running with the Olympic torch straight after this. I think it’s great that the theme this year is light your fire, cos usually our hair is spiky.

John: Shall we have spiky hair?

Edward: Shall we have spiky hair or flat hair for the final? We don’t know yet, but we’re thinking of maybe, I dunno, surprising you guys. Yeah, it’s really cool.

Presenter: Okay, so, Ireland. Are you from Ireland? Yes. Introduce yourself, please.

Ken: Ken Sweeney from the Irish Independant.

Edward: Oh, yeah.

Ken: Can you tell me what it was like being at the very end, getting that gold ticket and being the last name read out.

John: I feel like in the room there was so much tension. I felt like… Cos last year when we did it, when it came to the voting, we were, like, straight through and we were just like ‘yes!’. But the suspense was unreal. And we were already kind of accepting that we hadn’t got through cos, like, Austria was beside us and, like, for all the countries who haven’t actually got through, I feel like we’re really really lucky that we actually made it to the final. Like, we felt really really lucky, and, like, all the countries that didn’t get through, we want them to keep continuing and participating in Eurovision and come back next year and do bigger and better next year. I want to make a shoutout to all the countries that didn’t get through. But we just feel really really lucky and we’re really excited about going to the final on - is it Saturday? - yeah, on Saturday. And it’s gonna be a lot of fun and it’s gonna be awesome.

Presenter: Thank you. Anyone from international press? Lady over there. Yes, with the hat.

Edward: Hey, Jedward hair.

Presenter: Introduce yourself.

WoMan: [???], APA news agency, Azerbaijan. Congratulations, John and Edward, on qualifying into final. And you were the last one to be announced. And how did you feel, and while waiting, did you have any doubt that because of your hairstyle changing you cannot get into final or not? Thanks a lot.

Edward: (laughs) Okay, we want to first put a big shoutout to everybody in Azerbaijan and all the amazing people we’ve met on the streets and everybody. But when me and John, when we perf… we’re so much- we’re so much- What was the question, John?

John: Uh, yeah, we did, okay, cos we felt like, ‘Oh my God’. We were at the very very end and we were thinking ‘Are we actually gonna get through?’ And then we were like, ‘What are we gonna do if we don’t get though?’ and-

Edward: And then people might not recognise us for our hair- without our hair.

John: We know how it feels, like, I feel very sorry for, like, the acts that didn’t get through, but, like, I dunno, it’s just so crazy.

Edward: But anyway, it’s cool. We’re okay.

John: Yeah, but, yeah, Azerbaijan’s amazing and we had- It’s real fun that Eurovision’s here in Azerbaijan and… I can’t remember what the rest of the question was, but we’re really excited to be here and we can’t wait to do the final. And I know we have flat hair. What do you think? Should we have spiky hair or flat hair for the final? I dunno. Maybe we might have spiky hair. Spiky hair? Yeah? Okay, we’ll go with spiky hair. Will we go with spiky hair?

Presenter: Okay, that’s a promise! Thank you.

John: No, no, I wasn’t-

Presenter: No, not a promise yet? 

John: I dunno, okay. We’ll decide, we’ll decide.

Edward: Any more questions?

Presenter: No, it’s- it’s…

Edward: Oh! Crazy lady over there. Right over there.

Presenter: Well, if you insist. Last question. Yes, gentleman over there.

Edward: No, that lady. Okay, ask the guy.

Man: Thank you very much. Er, my name is Ruslan, I am from LTV - L Television Company from Azerbaijan. Congratulate at first, and my question, er, what did you feel when your name announced at the end?

Edward: We were just- When our name was announced at the end, we were wondering how we were gonna get to the stage, so  we decided to do a cartwheel all the way to the stage, cos all the other contestants walked, so next time you guys have to bring front flips and everything.

Presenter: Okay, we have no more time. Can I please ask you to pick an envelope so we decide where you’re gonna be in the final.

John: Oh my- Ohh… I don’t want to do it. You do it.

Edward: You do it.

John: No, no, okay. This one, okay?

Edward: No, no.

John: No, no, no, no, no. Go for it?

Edward: Go for it. Go for it.

John: You ready?

Edward: Wa-yah! Wa-yah!

John: Ahhhh! Okay, all right. Here we go. We hope it’s a really cool number. Okay, here we go. I think it’s a good number. Ahhh!

Edward: What is it?

Both: YEEEEEEES!

John: Wooo!

Edward: Twenty-three!

Presenter: Twenty-three.

John: Awesome. Yeah.

Edward: We’re 20 so we have three more years to go to be this age.

Presenter: Okay, congratulations. I think that now that we’ve almost concluded our press conference, I would like to once again ask everyone for a big round of applause for all the finalists. Congratulations! Well done! Thank you very much. Now can I please ask all of you to precede to the wall so we can have a photoshoot with all the finalists from the first semi-final. Thank you. Thank you very much.

JEDWARD WATER WORLD

Edward: …I’m Edward.

John: And together we are…

Both: Jedward!

John: And we are close to the waterline!

Edward: I am close to the…

John: Check it out, guys.

Edward: Waterline
Buh-buh-buh
I thought that I’d
Been over my head
For the last time
I’m so close to the…

Both: Waterline
And the way I’m loving her now
I know this is bound to go down
As the big one

John: Wooo!

—-

John: Heeey.

Edward: It’s a pool party
It’s a cool party
It’s a splash, it’s a gas
Da da da

Man: Can you help him get down?

Edward: No, I’ll get wet.

—-

[We’re wishing John and Edward the best of luck for the semi-final tonight! It’s going to be Jepic!]

Eurovision first semi-final second rehearsal Jedward press conference

This transcript was based on the ESCKAZ video (above), which is the longest one on YouTube but sometimes the audio is difficult to understand. So I’ve also used the Eurosong Denmark recording which has a bit missing but the audio is clearer.

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

John: …argh, oh my God!

Whooooa!

Edward: Ho!

John: Ahhhh!

Okay, hey everyone, okay. It’s our second press conference. As you guys can see, we are wearing our bubblegum dispenser outfits.

Edward: This outfit was inspired when was eating bubblegum and I said, “Hey, let’s make a bubblegum dispenser outfit.”

John: And there’s a little dispenser thing there…

Edward: As you can see, there’s a dispenser, there’s bubblegum there going crazy, it’s red…

John: It’s so great to have all you guys here. You guys are all standing up. You guys all have your cameras. Hey to all the cameraman videoing us. Cameraman, cameraman, cameraman, cameraman, cameraman.

Edward: We just had a second rehearsal. For everyone who wasn’t at our first press conference, we’re Jedward and we’re from Ireland and we can’t wait to represent Eurovision again this year. Our second year in a row. Last year was Lipstick.

She’s got her lipstick on…

John: Edward, hey, basically okay, I wanna say hello to all the journalists and all the crazy Eurovision fans who just arrived, yeah.

Edward: And everyone who just arrived in Azerbaijan. We’ve been here since last week so you guys are all the newbies. We’ve, like, been everywhere. Crazy.

John: Yeah, but anyway, okay, we’re excited to be here at our second rehearsal. Everyone’s done the rehearsals. And in our room, we can see it on our television and we are, like, really excited to be here.

Edward: At our last press conference, we had a popcorn outfit.

John: Yeah, and this time we have a bubblegum outfit.

Edward: It was crazy.

John: What will happen at the next press conference, Edward?

Edward: And we’ve got Sweden staying at our hotel, we’ve got Denmark staying at our hotel.

John: We’ve got Belarus.

Edward: We’ve got D…

John: Austria.

Edward: We’ve got the Netherland - Jed-erlands.

John: And guess what, guys, okay? In our hotel, they have just installed, like, a metal detector.

Edward: Yes.

John: So when you walk in the door, there’s like security and you’ve gotta put your stuff through a little security thing.

Edward: Yes, there’s tough security in our hotel cos, like, loads of crazy fans outside. And they all arrived in vans. And I don’t know if she’s here but she checked into our hotel. 

John: Yeah, there was, like, loads of crazy Jedward fans.

Edward: Oh, there she is! Crazy fan! Yo yo yo!

John: Her name’s Lynn.

Edward: Yeah, she’s crazy. Oh, crazy her as well. Don’t want to be left out. 

John: She’s 20, 21.

Edward: Anyway, so who wants to ask questions. There’s the Azerbaijan flag! 

John: Who wants to ask the first question? Azerbaijan flag. Azerbaijan flag, Ed’ard! Oh, and guess what, guys. 

Edward: Oh no! Security hold me back!

John: Yesterday we went to a school and… We went to the school…

Edward: John, get a picture of the Azerbaijan flag.

John: Wanna get a picture of the Azerbaijan flag? Yeah, you ready? Okay, here we go. Yeah, awesome.  The flag. Yeah. (high voice) Woo! Azerbaijan! Have you guys seen the flag outside? It’s the biggest flag I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s so big. It’s like, oh, humongous. Okay, here you go. Okay. Basically guys, okay, we went to a school yesterday and we saw, like, 600 students and they were all crazy and they had Jedward hair.

Edward: It was the international school so loads of people were speaking different languages and they were all, like…

John: From different countries.

Edward: And there were little kids from, like, two all the way up to, like, our age.

John: And we know that Azerbaijan is really really famous for oil, so me and Edward, I think me and Edward, we should go around Ireland and, like, dig some holes so see if we can find oil underneath Ireland.

Edward: Yeah, we should, John. We should, yeah.

John: Where else can we find oil?

Edward: Anyway, yesterday we went to this orphanage and it was really really good for me and John to go, cos basically it was out- It was away from all the Azerbaijan and all the glamour and stuff. I think it was a great opportunity for me and John to make them smile, make them happy. It was real good, wasn’t it?

John: It was really cool cos when you go to the shop, you can get, like… It’s really really cheap to buy drink here.

Edward: Yeah, like, Coke is only, like 80 cents.

John: And yesterday we had, like, homemade Azerbaijan bread.

Edward: Yeah, and what else did we do?

John: And we’re thinking of buying a carpet for our sitting room as well.

Edward: Yes, there’s carpets everywhere.

John: Okay, I don’t know what’s going on, okay. We’re just talking to ourselves, okay. So I think this guy down here with the glasses, chewing chewing gum, wants to ask us a question. Yeah, this guy here.

Edward: Yeah, where you at?

John: No, yeah, yeah. He’s there. He doesn’t know I’m talking about him. Yeah, uh, no, no. Okay, I don’t think so. Okay, who wants to ask the first question? This guy with the glasses down here with the check shirt. Red check shirt. No, no. I don’t think he speaks English, okay. Okay, do you, erm… Who wants to ask…

Edward: Hello and welcome to Jedward Cinema. You’re watching the movie right now.

John: I’ll ask you a question, Ed’ard, okay? How’d your first rehear- How’d your second rehearsal go, Ed’ard?

Edward: Okay, our second rehearsal, we had full-on water. The water was really really good. At the end of the performance, in the final performance it will be really really good.

John: Ed’ard, as your song’s called Waterline and you had Lipstick last year, are you excited to be performing on stage with your brother John?

Edward: Well, I’m really excited about having John on the side of the stage with me because he’s, like, my twin and he’s got, like, double the Jedward.

John: And how does it feel to be in Azerbaijan? 

Edward: It feels really good to be in Azerbaijan, aka EDzerbaiJOHN.

John: Edward, how do you and John feel about all these people taking pictures and videoing you all the time?

Edward: I think it’s really good.

John: Do you have any secrets about John that he doesn’t know as he’s not here at the moment?

Edward: John’s losing his hair. He’s got, like, implants.

John: Edward!

Edward: Only messing, guys. He’s not. 

John: No I’m not! What are you talking about?!

Edward: I’m only messing, I’m only messing.

John: Okay. Ed’ard, what do you like the most about John?

Edward: Erm, umm… Not really anything, John.

John: So, Edward…

Edward: We’re splitting up, John! You’re getting out of here!

John: So, you had your second rehearsal. Who do you and John think is your competition this year at Eurovision 2012?

Edward: Well, I really like that girl from Cyprus, the ‘la la la’ girl.

John: La la, yeah.

Edward: La la la la la.

John: And who else? Who else?

Edward: Um…

We’re going u-u-u-u-up.

John: Who are you stressing about, Edward? Are you excited about Eurovision? On a scale of one to ten, how excited are you?

Edward: Erm, I’m light-my-fire excited.

John: In Time magazine, they say Jedward are the greatest. What do you have to say about that?

Edward: Thanks, Time magazine. 

John: Oprah says that you’re very influential, just like her.

Edward: Did she?

John: Yeah. She said you’re the most influential twins in the world. What do you say about that to Oprah?

Edward: Thanks Oprah, if you’re watching.

John: Lady Gaga said, erm, “How can I make my own popcorn outfit?” How can she make her own popcorn outfit?

Edward: Lady Gaga, if you’re watching this, erm, you can make a popcorn outfit by getting, like, a red ribbon, loads and loads of foam, and, like, painting it to look like it was popcorn.

John: Ed’rd, what tips do you say for people? Okay, let’s let this guy ask some questions.

Edward: Someone ask some questions, like a real question.

John: Yeah, they’ll think we’re weird, okay?

Edward: Get the hell over there and ask a questions.

John: Who’s gonna ask a question?

Lynn: Me!

Edward: Okay, she wants to ask a question. Someone give her a microphone. 

John: What do you wanna ask, okay? What’s your question?

Edward: Get the microphone. 

John: Come on, get it and ask questions. Do you wanna ask me a question?

Lynn: Hi, I’m Lynn from Eurovision Times. We’ve heard rumours that you will be performing at the red-carpet event on Saturday, and also a concert in the Euro Village. Can you confirm this, and how excited are you if it’s true?

Edward: Er, yes, we can confirm this. We’re gonna be performing at the opening on… tomorrow. 

John: Ell and Nikki have been invited to perform as well and we’ve been invited to perform as well, so that’s pretty cool.

Edward: Yes, we’re gonna rock it and then hopefully our concert will be amazing. We don’t know about that yet. They usually don’t tell us until it happens, like, a couple of hours early.

John: And me and Edward, we’re going on a huge European tour after Eurovision as well. We’re gonna go to, like, all the crazy countries where all the fans and  it’s amazing. And everyone filming around the world, make sure to follow me and Edward on Twitter - @planetjedward.

Edward: Yes, we need 600,000 followers.

John: I know you guys have been here all day…

Edward: There’s a guy from last year. Hey. Dyed your hair.

John: You’re all amazing Eurovision fans. You guys writing about Eurovision. But anyway, okay, erm…

Edward: This guy wants to ask a question! Ask a question.

John: This guy from OUTTV. You guys talked to us yesterday.

Man 1: I put on my…

John: Jedhead.

Man 1: Your head on my head. Will you please put on this one and say the predictions of the Netherlands?

Edward: Okay.

Man 1: Will Joan go to the final - yes or no?

John: Joan Franka. (high voice) Joan Franka!

Edward: (Obama voice) I am Indian. I am Joan Franka.

John: Anyway.

Edward: Basically, I think Joan Franka’s really cool. It’s cool that you guys got feathers for me. I think she’s gonna do awesome. I like that she’s got fire on stage and hopefully she’ll light the fire.

John: She’s rehearsing- She’s rehearsing in the hotel and she sounds amazing. She sounds really great. Sounds really tight and we’re really excited to see her in the semi-final. I think she will get through to the final. She’s gonna do great. 

Edward: And this is Joan Franka’s style on Jedward, so I’m gonna take it off, okay.

John: Yeah, we’re not gonna copy her, okay. 

Edward: [???]

John: Me and Ed’ard- Me and Ed’ard, we like Indians. We love watching Indian movies and cowboy movies where they have the guns.

Edward: They go on for ages.

Man 1: Guys, congratulations because you’ve been nominated in our first place as the most handsome guys. How’s that?

Edward: Oh, that’s really cool!

John: I think that’s really awesome.

Edward: Well, anyway, everyone that thinks we have spiky hair all the time, on our new album cover, Young Love, we’ve got flat hair. So all our fans, it’s like real dramatic for them. They’re like “Oooh! On my God, you have flat hair!”

I need to do a stretch, okay. I’m full-on getting cramps.

John: Let’s sit down. Let’s sit down. This is getting [???]. Sit here, sit here. Sit down, sit down, sit down in the chair.  Okay. Let’s do it.

Edward: Yes.

John: Okay, serious press conference now. Here we go.

Edward: I’d like to thank my fans.

Man 1: I got one more serious question.

John: Okay.

Edward: Yes.

Man 1: I’m from OUTTV.

Edward: Yes.

Man 1: The question is, are you straight?

Edward: Yes, we’re straight.

John: Me and Edward are straight. I think a lot of people ask us that question because we wear crazy outfits and a lot of people that are gay wear crazy crazy outfits. I dunno, it depends. But, yeah, we’re straight.

Edward: And shoutout to all the gay fans. You guys rock.

John: We’re both straight, okay? You don’t know the stuff we get up to with girls, okay. (giggles)

Edward: Yeah, we get a girl every hour. We got one after this interview.

John: Like, after this interview, me and Edward…

Edward: There are people waiting out there. They’re waiting for THIS. They’re waiting for Jedward.

John: …a new girl every hour, okay. Like, I think in, like 20 minutes we’re picking up another girls.

Edward: Yeah. Shout out to Tara Reid.

John: So, sorry to all the guys out there. You’re still awesome, but, no, not this time.

Edward: Yeah, I like American Pie.

John: What other questions have you got?

Man 1: Errr….

John: Are YOU straight?

Man 1: Me?

John: Yeah.

Man 1: In questions, yes; in sexuality, no.

Edward: Okay, cool.

John: I don’t know what that means, okay…

Edward: Who wants to ask a question?

John: Who wants to ask a straight question?

Edward: Straight to the lady who looks like a librarian.

John: Come on, guys. Don’t be shy. You’ve gotta ask a question. You guys ask us [???] questions. We’re like everybody else. This guy with the check shirt. The guy over there.

…just sitting there.

Edward: Get over there, John.

John: You want to ask Jedward a question.

Edward: Okay, I’ll answer the question, John, that you want.

Man 2: Thank you. Which one are you?

John: I’m John and this is Edward.

Edward: And I’m Edward. And together we are Jedward.

John: And so where are you from?

Man 2: London.

John: He’s from London, okay. And what’s your question?

Man 2: My question is, guys, this is your second Eurovision in a go, if, by any chance you don’t win this year, are you going to try again and again and again? Because I don’t think we can stand the strain!

John: I know. I can’t stand it either. I hate Jedward, seriously. The guys are so annoying, okay. Basically, okay, I think me and Edward will start our own Eurovision competition, where, like, there’ll be Eurovision and there’ll be, like, Jedvision.

Edward: (drama voice) John, you’re so far away!

John: What do you think, Ed’ard? What do you think, Ed’ard? Will we enter the Eurovision…

Edward: Yes, we’ll be back to Eurovision every single year. We’ll go back.

John: I don’t think we’ll need to enter again next year.

Edward: We’re gonna make a world record, okay. We already have a world record for the longest fan letter, which was, like 400 metres long and a fan gave it to us and we love breaking records.

John: Who else wants to ask a question.

Man 2: That’s enough for me, thank you.

Edward: Next question. Don’t ask any bad questions or John will beat you up.

John: Ed’ard. Okay, over here, over, over.

Edward: Go for it, John.

John: Do you wanna ask a question?

Man 3: No comment. (laughs)

John: He’s got cool gold teeth, okay. Okay, over here. Okay, what’s your question.

Garrett: Hey John. It’s Garrett from Eurovision Ireland. John, you asked us all to do homework the last time because we didn’t ask questions. So I went on to our site and asked all your fans to give you questions. So I’m going to ask you whole lot of questions and you’re to give me one-word answers, okay. Really quick.

Edward: Okay! Let’s go! Let’s do this!

John: All right. Quick-fire questions. Let’s go.

Edward: Quick-fire questions.

Garrett: Anastasia from Belgium goes, will you come to France and Belgium?

John: Yes, we will come to France and Belgium on tour after Eurovision.

Garrett: Ronan from Russia says, you were talking on Russian TV. Do you like the Russian grannies?

John: Yes, we love the Russian grannies. 

Edward: Yes, they’re really hot.

John: They’re awesome. It’s so cool that they play in snow and build snowmans.

Garrett: Polmi from Germany says, how does it feel knowing that so many fans are coming over to support you from all around Europe?

John: I think it’s amazing that all the fans are coming to support us and they can give us good luck messages and give us letters right before Eurovision. Next question!

Edward: I know.

Garrett: Charlotte from the UK says what is your favourite costume you’ve brought to Baku and will you ever go into fashion design?

John: Our favourite costume that we have so far is the popcorn outfits. And yeah, I think me and Edward, we’re gonna have our own fashion range. We’re gonna have, like, skinny jeans, shirts, ties, we’re gonna have our own hair products and everything. 

Garrett: Ilona from Russia says, what is the most annoying characteristic about the other twin?

John: Er, the most annoying characteristic about Ed’ard is that-

Edward: John always falls asleep all the time.

John: I’m serious, okay, we have pet rabbits in our bedroom, okay, and they’re, like, pooing everywhere.

Garrett: Mari from Norway says, when are you going to come to Norway?

John: Okay, we’re coming to Norway, okay. We’ve got lots of fans in Norway. There’s a crazy fan in Norway, and then we’re gonna come to Norway. We’re gonna go everywhere. I know that , like, right now, we haven’t got to go everywhere, we’re going to make it out priority to go to every single country and Jedify it.

Garrett: Frances from German says, what is the craziest thing you’ve ever done.

John: Erm, the craziest thing we’ve ever done… I- I dunno. Like, just crazy. We’ve done some crazy things that we can’t even talk about.

Edward: (deadpan) I asked God for a copy of me.

Audience: (laughter)

John: The craziest thing- The craziest thing that we’ve ever done. I dunno. We’ve done some crazy YouTube videos every time we get 100,000 followers. That’s about it.

Garrett: And finally, the Irish fans want to know, did you enjoy the send-off that you got from Dublin airport.

John: Yes! Oh my God! The whole airport was completely packed with fans.

Edward: It was, like, thousands of people. The police didn’t know what to do. It was bigger than Barack Obama when he was leaving.

John: The whole airport was like on shut-down, okay, and the whole place was completely packed.

Edward: Everybody here, we met Barack Obama. Yeah.

John: We met the world leader Barack Obama. He wants us to come to the White House. Okay, do you got a question, this girl here? Yeah. Do you have a question? Oh, this girl.

Woman 1: What’s your favourite?

John: Favourite what?

Woman 1: Favourite.

John: What country’s our favourite? Well, I like Cyprus. I like the ‘la la’ song. I really like the song.

Edward: And I also like the Russian grannies and I also think, erm… 

Man 4: Ukraine!

Edward: Oh, yeah, go Ukraine. Yeah, go Ukraine. You guys- Ukraine, Jed-kraine.

John: Yes, I like- I-

Edward: And Romania, because when you add a Jed to goes to Jedmania.

John: And we like Germany.

Man 5: [???]

John: I don’t know, okay. We had to learn- We need to learn…

Edward: Basically, our fans they put Ukraine and they put Belarus and they put Russia together and it’s called Burward. It’s like a fan group. Shout out to them.

John: We like Hungary as well. And Norway. 

Edward: We’re so ‘Hungary’ right now.

John: Okay, you got a question? This girl got a question?

Woman 1: Uh, where’s your energy?

John: Why do we have so much energy?

Edward: In our hotel, they’ve got really really good smoothies in the morning. We have orange juice, we had carrot juice.

John: Okay, the reason why we have so much energy is because we have two bowls of porridge each in the morning. And we don’t eat sweets because sweets kind of go like that. They give you like that, but porridge gradually gives you energy throughout the day. Okay, next question.

Presenter: To you, Jedward, can I ask you a question?

Woman 2: How would you like the fire of the contest, yourselves?

Presenter: It’s not my job to ask the questions yet.

Woman 2: Fire, light. Fire. How would you light the fire?

Edward: Okay, if we light the fire on stage, that means we have to go near the pyros. So we’re gonna stay well away from the pyros.

John: Okay, the only way we could light the fire is if our hair got in contact with the fire and our hair went on fire… [microphone goes dead]

Presenter: Okay, guys….

Edward: Oh, hell no! Oh, HEEEELL no! 

Presenter: Can I find you here, please?

Edward: You don’t take my microphone!

Presenter: You actually answered all the questions anyone could ask you, and the only thing we could add is a sponsor prize this gentleman brought for you from South Africa. Would you be pleased to get it? Yeah, there is a surprise for you.

John: A surprise?

Presenter: Yes! You brought so much surprise to everyone here, so it’s time to get your own surprise. Well, and… wow! You’re in a really good shape, John or Edward.

Edward: Yes, me and John ran a marathon when we went to Los Angeles. We ran 26 miles…

Presenter: Good, good, good. Good push-ups. 

Edward: Workout, Jedward style.

Presenter: Guys, I have to thank you.

Edward: Okay.

Presenter: You are a blessing for any moderator. You don’t even know the meaning of this words “Moderator? What the hell?” If I could only speak English. You just simply do not need moderator. You make me rest all this time and enjoy all the spectacle you made. But with that all, unfortunately we’re getting pressed with time. I hate to…

Edward: Who wants a Jedward tie? And you guys can give it away in a competition.

Presenter: Not to be Jedwardised, but we would like to invite you over here…

Edward: A fan made me this tie, and as you can see, it says Jedward on it. Oh, I’ve got John’s one!

Presenter: Oh, cool.

Edward: Red lipstick. You want it. Here you go. Hup! These guys got it. You’d better sell it for, like, well over a hundred.

John: This girl wants it, yeah!

Edward: Okay, you’d better keep it.

John: Sorry, man. I was gonna give it to you.

Edward: Okay, now we’ve got no ties.

Presenter: Okay, so you’ve got the happy ones who got the surprise from you, and now can I invite you to pose over there, cos there you’d look much better?

Edward: (drama voice) Oh no, I’ve got no tie! 

John: No big deal.

Edward: No big deal, no stress. No stressing, no stressing. Let’s go, John.

Presenter: Yeah, it’s an official. Make it an official.

John: I wanna thank all you guys for being here. Have an amazing time at Eurovision, okay. I know you guys have been here, like, and I know you guys have been sitting here and you forgot to ask me a question. These guys here, I think they’ve all lost their voice. But anyway okay, I wanna thank you guys for all being here at the press conference. We’re now gonna go over there and take photos.

Edward: Everyone’s going (deep voice) “What the hell’s going on here?” Whatever, guys. Jedward!

John: Edward, okay. I’m so sick of you being in Eurovision.

Edward: [???], John. Water all over the place!

John: No water! (shrieks)

Edward: (shrieks)

John: No! Okay, let’s get pictures. I’ve got a microphone. It’s dangerous.

Edward: Okay.

John: Okay, let’s go. Cool. Okay, let’s get a picture. Here you go.

Presenter: Thank you. Thanks a lot. Well, a round of applause for the people who make this day really so unusual.

Jedward Cooking

Edward: What’s up, guys. This is Jedward and we’re here in EDzerbaiJOHN and we’re here cooking up an amazing meal. Check it out, John. 

John: Check this out. 

Edward: We’re now making some fire! Fiii-yaaah! Fiiii-yaaah! Wooooow!

John: Aaaaaaaah!

Edward: Anyway, in the Jedward kitchen, we’ve got bread, we’ve got pasta, we’ve got carrots. Mmm, so good. And we also have a pizza thing. We made the pizza. And we’ve got Irish chef… whatever his name is.

Chef Thomas: Thomas Brosnan.

Edward: Thomas Brosnan, and loads of oil. Don’t be worried about calories, guys. The Jedward kitchen is all about taste. We bring the taste to the food. C-O-O-K. We’re not cooks - we’re chefs. Masterchef John. Eat your heart out, Jamie Oliver. Eat your heart out… other person who says bad words [Gordon Ramsay!].

John: We’re thinking of coming out with the Jed Grill Machine. Jed- The Jed…

Edward: Hi guys. This is Jedward, and this is the Jed Grill Machine…

John: Hey, I’m Rachel Allen.

Chef Thomas: (laughs)

Edward: Here’s a knife. Do not touch the knife as it’s dangerous. No one eat knives. Anyway, peace out, guys, from Jedward. Live here at our cook show that we know have in Azerbaijan. (sassy voice) Peace out, my homies, yo.

JEDWARD EDzerbaiJohn BEDTIME

Edward: …Euro and Vision to sleep. Before I put them to sleep, I’ve gotta give them some food. Their favourite food right now is water. 

I’m giving them some water so they can have nice- They can wash their feet, they can have a little bath, they can drink it, whatever they wanna do. Look, he’s drinking his water. Yay! Come on, have some water. Everyone needs some water. To keep themselves fresh so they can wet the bed. And before Euro and Vision go to bed, we also give them some food - some rabbit food. Here’s some rabbit food. Hey, back here. 

(cute voice) Look at him loves his water. Good boy. Good girl or boy. I can’t tell the difference. Yeah!

I repeat, they will not go to bed unless… they have their Nestle. They have, like, their little idol right beside them. But they do not drink this because it’s chocolate milk and rabbits don’t drink chocolate milk. But right now, see, they’re having a great time with him. It’s his idol, just like we’ve got Britney on our wall, they’ve got this crazy rabbit dude on their bed.

[music: Backstreet Boys - As Long As You Love Me]

Edward: Yeah! Have some water. Don’t forget your water. Have some water.

Come on, you need to wash your feet. He needs to wash his feet as well, John. Wash his feet.

[music]

John: You guys really like your food, don’t you? (whispers) You guys really like your food, don’t you? Oh, what’s that? What’s that? Oh, you want…

[music: SHINee - Hello]

Edward: So, goodnight, guys. I hope you have a really good night’s sleep. I’m gonna go to sleep as well. 

Night night. Don’t eat too much or else you’re gonna wet the bed. Peace out, guys.

(sighs contently)

Goodnight Euro, goodnight Vision.

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

Jedward EDzerbaiJOHN CRAZY FANS

John: Guys, I’m John and we’re in…

All: EDzerbaiJOHN!

Fans: (cheer)

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

Fan: Hello Jedward! We love you! We support you! We ALWAYS support you!

Edward: It’s Edward…

John, yay!

Both: Lipstick on
Here I come
Da da dum
She’s got her

All: Lipstick on…

[music: Jedward - Lipstick]

Edward: Here’s John. Go crazy. Ahhh God!

John: Oh my God, guys, okay. Right now we’re here in Azerbaijan outside our hotel with all the amazing Azerbaijani girls!

Fans: (cheer)

John: J to the E to the D to the WARD! Planet Jedward!

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

Edward: Oh my God, it’s Jedward! Ahhhh!

John: Guys okay, we’re here in Azerbaijan with all the amazing guys, okay. We were here in our hotel room and decided to come downstairs and all these fans emerged from nowhere. They were like ninjas. You guys are amazing, okay. So cool. [???] Azerbaijan, Baku, Eurovision 2012. Who’s gonna win?

All: Jedward!

[music: Jedward - Lipstick]

Edward: …run, dum da dum da dum da dum
Then I’m gone, then I’m gone

Fans: Gone, gone, gone, gone!

John: Heeey! Woooo!

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

Jedward EdzerbaiJohn Denmark

John: …your views. [???]

Edward: What’s up, guys?

John: I’m John.

Edward: I’m Edward.

Both: And together we are Jedward.

John: And we’re here with Soluna from Denmark, and as you guys can see, we are here rocking it, okay. We are here in Eurovision 2012.

Edward: Rocking.

John: Every single person, this is Denmark. Remember last year A Friend In London? It’s like, come on boys, come on girls, okay. Make sure to vote for Soluna.

Edward: And she’s told us to come to Denmark. 

Soluna: Yes, lots of Jedheads in Denmark…

John: She totally rocks. To all our Denmark fans, okay, you are so awesome.

Edward: And follow her on Twitter. She needs a thousand followers.

Soluna: Yeah!

Edward: And we need 600,000 followers. So vote for us, okay.

John: And she’s really really awesome, and we hung out with her for, like… I think we hung out with her for like 20 minutes, okay. She’s really really awesome and everyone make sure to tune into Eurovision.

Edward: And she gave us these cool hats.

Soluna: Yes!

John: Everyone make sure to tune into Eurovision on the… the first semi-final, okay.

Soluna: 22nd. 22nd of May.

John: I’m Captain John. He’s Captain Edward and together we are Captain Jedward.

Edward: The boat’s sinking! The boat’s sinking!

John: Oh no! Don’t fall, Jack!

Soluna: Wooooo!

Edward: Don’t let go!

John: Come over here, Soluna. She can be our Rose, Ed’ard. Put your arms out. Put your arms out. Put your arms out.

(girl voice) I’m flying! Don’t fall!

Both: Wherever you are…

Edward: I believe…

Yeah, this is going down good.

Soluna: Oh, this is getting crazy.

John: (laughing) Imagine if you had hairy armpits…

Jedward EdzerbaiJohn Shopping Center

John: What’s up guys? Okay, right now we are in Azerbaijan in a shopping centre called Park Bulvar. And guys, listen. You can hear Waterline playing. Listen, listen, check it out, check it out. Here we go. The slow part. Here we go. Here we go. Slow part. Wait, here we go. Listen. It’s Jedward.

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

John: Can you guys hear it? Check it out. Check it out. Look.

Edward: Too late, swept away.
Feel the rush!

[music: Jedward - Waterline]

Edward: Jedward! Let’s go, John, and see the little kids.

John: Wait, chorus. Hear the chorus. Go go.

Edward: High five. Come on, little gangsta. Hey, little kid.

Girl: Hey, Jedward!

John: Jedward. There’s girls there. (naughty laugh)

Girl: [???]

Edward: (drama voice) OMG, they want a picture.

John: Do you want a picture?

Edward: Peace out from John and Edward! This is where the magic happens.

EURO AND VISION

[music: SHINee - Hello]

Edward (Vision): Oh yeah. I’m cleaning my face.

I’m cleaning my paw-paws.

Brushie-brushie.

I’m all fluffed up!

Yay!

Edward (Euro): Hey, wait up!

John: …all of our bridges burned down
I’ve wasted my nights…

Edward (Vision): Hey, who is that singing?

Jedward EdzerbaiJohn Building Eurovision Arena

Edward: John is-

John: We’re here at the Crystal Ball, and we’re trying to bang it-

Edward: He’s building the Crystal Mall in Azerbaijan. John’s one of the people. He’s gonna put a screw in.

John: Amazing.

Edward: What you screwing, John?

John: Right now we’re screwing the hole. We put the hole in, put it in [???], ready for Eurovision.

Edward: Put it in, John.

John: Here we go. Put it in the hole.

Edward: John’s building the Crystal Ball Hall. John. Good job, John, building.

John: He’s got it. He’s got it. He’s a professional.

Edward: He’s got it. Put it in. Let’s go.

John: Here we go. Put it in! Ugh!

Edward: Go John!

John: I’m gonna screw it in.

Man: No no no no no.

John: I’m gonna screw it in.

Man: Whoa whoa whoa.

John: What?

Edward: Bang it! Bang it! Bang it. 

Baaaang it.

Inside out.

John: He’s, like, he’s a professional. Smash it.